On Unwelcome Advice, Unwavering Boundaries and Unbelievable Deals

Published 3 months ago • 4 min read

Hey Reader,

I’m sending the LuvvLetter a day early this year since your inbox is going to be bursting at the seams with sales and savings for the rest of the week (1 is coming from me soooo 😁).

I’m thankful for you and for our little corner of the internet where we can realize we’re not the completely weird ones 😌. Your notes to me after each LuvvLetter really make writing these worthy.

And for my readers in the U.S., this week is the beginning of many weeks where you’re going to need some extra support…

RANT

Let’s leave unsolicited advice and comments off the menu this Thanksgiving.

We already know the treacherous way Thanksgiving started, so I’m 1,000% understanding of folks who don’t celebrate it. At this point, it’s just a holiday about food, family and gratitude for most. Outside of the “Naw the Pilgrims were trash pandas” feels I have about it, I’m kinda indifferent towards the day itself cuz my confession is that I don’t even like the food 🤷🏾‍♀️. I do like the spending time with family I’ve chosen part.

Anywho, a lot of people LOATHE this holiday because they’re forced to be in the company of bloodfolks who don’t have couth. For many, it’s like stepping into a minefield of rudeness, a verbal battleground where passive-aggressive comments fly faster than mashed potatoes being flung by a tantrum throwing toddler.

Relatives you haven't seen in a while suddenly become the self-appointed experts on your life choices. You tryna mind your business and they're ready with their unsolicited opinions and probing questions. The aunties are good for a "Are you still single, dear?" or the back-handed compliment of "You look... healthy." CHILE… NOPE. 😠

Soooo if this might be you, don’t do it this year (or ever again). And if it’s not you, well you already know where I stand on folks going low (we go gutter).

This Thanksgiving, let's declare the battleground of rudeness off-limits.

But if all else fails, remember this…

REFLECTION

We do not have to self-betray for family.

The holiday season is a lot of family in a short span and it can be triggering. Because let’s face it. For some folks, their biggest bullies and traumatizers are people who are related to them.

So the back to back to back of gatherings can be tough. That’s why I want to remind us that we do not have to betray ourselves for our kinfolk. We don't have to roll over and accept judgment or foolishness just because it comes from family.

The comments they make, or the raggedy actions from them, do not have to be met with compliance. We can handle them with grace but we do not have to “just turn the other cheek” about their disrespect. Hit em with a quick “I don’t appreciate that joke. Please stop.” If it makes the room uncomfortable, so be it! The person made YOU wince so let’s make it a group activity since they don’t know how to act.

And here’s the other, most important thing: we do not have to even subject ourselves to continuous bad behavior.

Let me say this: if you do not want to be around certain family, because it is not good for your mental health, SIT IT OUT. Do not go. If you do not get along or have faced deep trauma at the hands of a family member, you don’t have to invite them to break bread with you in your home. You do not have to play nice with your abusers and traumatizers, and you don’t have to spend time with them.

Don’t do this but it is satisfying to imagine.

We have choices. We must use them.

Part of the perks of being a grown up (besides being able to decide to eat cake for breakfast if we want) is that we can decide to opt out of things and situations that are harmful to us. Like… I pay taxes and have an air fryer. You not gon talk to me any ol’ kinda way, fam or not 😑.

Compromising that is to your own detriment, or that harms you, is not collaboration. It is self-betrayal.

So, Reader, know that you can choose your own well-being, not just for this holidays, but moving forward. Do what brings you most peace.

RECOMMENDATION

Shop a Black-owned business for Black Friday.

I know we said we tired of buying TVs and whatnot (even though the Samsung Frame sale makes me wanna buy another one). But I ain’t gon lie. I LOVE BLACK FRIDAY. As a professional shopping addict and maximalist, this is my SuperBowl. Cuz nah, these sales been SALEing all November.

And you know I love to shop with Black-owned businesses, as much as possible. Here are 3 I am a huge fan of and highly recommend:

💻 Chic Geeks - Get a dope case to protect that your phone or laptop. I’ve been using their laptop case for years and it always gets compliments because it dresses my boring silver MacBook up all sexily. Use LUVVIE10 for 10% off select items!

🚿 Sapo Body Sponge - Remember a few years ago when I went viral for talmbout how nasty everyone was, and how I talked about the sponge I use to stay clean? That was Säpo Body Sponge. And it is time for y’all to re-up cuz the exfoliation is bar none! is what you need for cleanliness and exfoliation. It expands up to 5 feet to reach your back and doesn’t breed bacteria. It’s the perfect stocking stuffer. Use code LUVVIE10 for 10% off.

☕️ Chicago French Press - I’m a tea and hot chocolate drinker married to a coffee drinker and Chicago French Press got some of our faves of everything. It’s the perfect gift for your boss or kid’s teacher. Selected flavors are 50% off for Black Friday! For everything else, use LUVVIE15 for 15% off.

Happy shopping!

Soo tell me. What’s your relationship with Thanksgiving? Are you excited for it, are you indifferent, or do you dread the day? Tell me things!

P.S: Remember! The next launch of The Book Academy is opening its doors in 2 days! We need your words, your lessons, your stories on bookshelves. Click here to join the waitlist so you get first access to the next cohort!

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