On Targeted Toxicity, Time for Tranquility and Thriving Tribe


Hey Reader,

We’ve blinked and August is on its way out. Wild. I feel like we really had JUNEJULYAUGUST⚡ cuz how did summer JUST start and now it’s basically done? Kids are back in school and Labor Day is in 3 days and I’m like WOWSIES. Time really got somewhere to be. 👀

Summer is my favorite season so I’m always like DANGGG I need it to be longer! But I guess we ain’t got no choice. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Now, let's dive into what's on my mind this week...

RANT

Black women are doing enough. Stop scolding us.

I had to pop off this week because I’m sick of folks challenging BLACK WOMEN on our platforms about speaking up on certain issues. 🙅🏾‍♀️

Why? Because many of the Black women you follow are out here doing deep work and advocating behind the scenes on a LOT of issues. Our work isn't measured by whether we've spoken up online or not. Everyone else? Sure, prod them to speak up more. But Black women? We're doing A LOT and ENOUGH already, so use your scolding capital with someone else.

Some folks are just waiting on the sidelines for the moment they can scold a Black woman. And that's not activism; it's passive aggressive misogynoir. 🚮

And while people are thumb thugging to tell us to do more, they JUST GOT HERE and started caring about justice yesterday when Roe got overturned. So please. Check your social justice hipsterness. Many of us have done more work in the last year than you've done in 20 years. SCOLD SOMEBODY ELSE or you gon get your feelings hurt. 😤

Let me say this one more time for the people in the back: Many Black women who are visible are ADVOCATING constantly and tirelessly behind the scenes. DO NOT think because we haven't said something about an issue, that we not actively working to solve it. And watch your mouth and tone when talking to us, because y'all are using a lot of these issues to show your anti-Blackness. And when (not if, at this point) you get cussed out, please know it will be without guilt on my part. FAFO and catch me on the wrong day. I don't GAF who you are. 💁🏾‍♀️

REFLECTION

Every invitation to a space that sounds cool isn't a Yes.

Now, let's talk about something I've been mulling over lately: every room you're invited to is not a YES room. Even if it feels shiny and rarefied.

And sometimes, because you've been waiting to be seen or included, you'll say an instant "Yes!" because it looks and sounds like a space you should be, on paper. But is that room really for you? 🤔

Now, let me be clear. This isn’t about impostor syndrome having you question whether you belong in a room. It’s more about thinking about whether the room deserves your energy and time.

We’re so used to being the recipient of the invitations, that we don’t give enough time to consider whether we are excited about going, or whether we just want to make sure people know we were included.

I was invited to a conference a couple years ago that I went to. Yes, there are some big names in tech, media, business there. The room was HEAVYYY. Yes, on paper, it looks like a room I could get a lot out of. So I went. And let me tell you: I spent 3 days irritated that I wasn’t home or with people I loved or working on my passion. The space did not energize me one bit and frankly, I didn’t have a good time. I didn't feel like it was time well spent.

So I recently said NO to going again, because I no longer wanna spend time doing anything that does not energize me. Time, as ephemeral as it is, is deeply valuable and the best, highest return of my time is in the places that make me feel like I was divinely guided to be there. It’s with the people who feed my soul.🙏🏾

And more than ever, I’m realizing that my presence is a gift, and not every opportunity deserves to unwrap it. 💝 We often forget that our energy, our time, our very essence is valuable. We get so caught up in the chase for validation or visibility that we ignore our ability to CHOOSE who or where gets access to us.

I can’t play about this anymore. My boundaries include the question “Are you going because you it will FEEL GOOD, or are you going because it will LOOK GOOD?”

It's okay to say no to spaces that don't serve you, even if they look impressive.

So the next time an invitation lands in your inbox or a seemingly impressive opportunity comes knocking, pause. Ask yourself: Will this serve my highest good? Will it bring me joy? Will it move me closer to my goals? If the answer isn't a resounding YES, then maybe your answer should be NO. 🤔💭

Remember, Reader, you are the curator of your life experience. Choose wisely, choose intentionally, and never be afraid to protect your peace. Your energy and time are precious. Spend them wisely. 💖

RECOMMENDATION

Come Join Me in Community.

Many of you ask me how I’ve been able to cultivate deep, meaningful relationships and create spaces where people can truly thrive. The answer? Safe spaces (real ones, not just shallow). I am the product of them, and I’m fiercely committed to protecting and building them. And truly, I know that I am gifted at curating spaces where the energy and vibes are immaculate. ❤️

That’s why I’ve created the Professional Troublemakers Patreon, a community designed for people who are all about doing and being better. This isn’t just another online group; it’s a sanctuary. A place where we can connect, grow, and uplift each other in ways that are intentional and powerful. It is a reflection of my energy, and it is a deepening of connecting to me, to others who reflect the same vibes and to work that will convict and propel you forward. 🙌🏾

This space is modeled after the very communities that have shaped me, and I’m inviting you to be a part of it. If you’ve ever wanted to be in a (virtual for now, but I will do in person events soon) space full of like-minded folks who are serious about leveling up, this is your invitation. 🙏🏾👐🏾

So join me in the Professional Troublemakers Patreon, and let’s build something incredible together. It’s time to surround yourself with people who will challenge, support, and inspire you to be the best version of yourself. ❤️

Imagine if you could chat with the people who also read and love this newsletter (there’s group chats inside). I’m bringing back the vibes of my Awesomely Luvvie blog comment section. We gon kiki, learn someone and know that even if the world is a dumpster fire out there, you can still find people with good sense. ✨

Come on thru!

So, tell me: What's a room or opportunity you've said no to recently, even though it looked good on paper? 🤔💭

Stay awesome,

P.S. I’m dropping the full links to my DNC outfits in my Patreon next week. Jump on in!

background

Subscribe to The LuvvLetter